OBSERVATIONS & OTHER ACCIDENTS

Fake it. Don’t even bother making it.

This week, I have to do something that is filling me with panic. I can’t say what it is — nothing major — just something that “everyone does” with the least possible sense of responsibility.

The people I share this fear with keep telling me the same thing: “Why are you scared? You’ll do it effortlessly. There are people far less qualified than you doing it. They make money from it. They’re successful.”

[I couldn’t care less about that]

Some might call this impostor syndrome. I call it insecurity — yes, the kind that belongs to an insecure person. But also, perhaps, to someone with an excessively heightened sense of responsibility.

On that note, I read an article this week in The New York Times titled “Toxic Confidence Has Taken Over,” and I couldn’t have related to it more. It captures exactly what is happening.

While some hesitate to take a step forward, afraid of not being good enough or of disappointing others, there are those who move ahead with no sense of responsibility whatsoever. Everyone seems overly confident. Everyone seems to know everything. Everyone has something to say.

While some hesitate to take a step forward, afraid of not being good enough or of disappointing others, there are those who move ahead with no sense of responsibility whatsoever.

In the piece, Savannah Sobrevilla “refers to a rising cultural trend where arrogance and extreme self-belief, often masked as personal branding or high performance, replace vulnerability and humility.”

The article asks:

“Have you noticed the decline in humble brags and performative apologies on social media? Or the rise in unshakable self-assurance, unsolicited advice and provocative hot takes? The overqualified don’t hesitate to remind you of their résumé; the underqualified declare themselves authorities; and the appropriately qualified claim that their email job is ‘saving lives.’”

It goes on to say that:

“At its least offensive, toxic confidence is low stakes and entertaining. It’s newsletter writers filling your inbox with unsolicited gift guides and dishy, unedited diary entries. It’s that mediocre actor you barely dated starting a podcast with a paywall and calling herself a political pundit. It’s whatever drives the chaos agents in your orbit to become life coaches.”

This behaviour, the article explains, is largely driven by social media — where influencers, or influencers-turned-politicians, project success in order to gain followers.

Key aspects of the toxic confidence trend

Social Media Driven
Platforms like TikTok and Substack encourage bold, unedited personal branding over vulnerability, making modesty seem outdated.

Rise of the “Influencer” Mentality
It manifests in influencers without professional training giving advice, or individuals with little experience claiming expert status.

Post-Pandemic Shift
A younger generation, shaped by lockdowns, is bypassing traditional professional modesty in favour of assertive self-promotion.

Contrast with “Impostor Syndrome”
The cultural conversation is shifting away from the anxious, perfectionist impostor syndrome of the past towards an aggressive, performative arrogance.

Risks & Nuance
While sometimes perceived as empowering, this confidence can become toxic — leading to reduced adaptability, a refusal to self-correct, and a focus on ego over accuracy.

Critics note that “toxic confidence” may simply reframe existing dynamics — such as male bravado or incel culture — yet it still captures a real shift toward high-swagger, low-substance personal branding.

Everywhere, all at once

Displays of toxic confidence are everywhere — from reality television to Oscar campaigns, to the U.S. government.

But where is all this bravado coming from?

Why it’s increasing

Several factors help explain it:

• Algorithms favour assertive, provocative content
• The internet rewards visibility, not accuracy
• Confidence acts as a social signal — people assume those who appear certain know what they’re talking about
• Contemporary culture values personal branding and constant opinion

The seductive side

The article also acknowledges its appeal:

• It can be light entertainment
• At times, it is harmless — even amusing
• It creates characters, voices, narratives

But—

The real problem

• Misinformation
• The trivialisation of expertise
• A constant noise of unfounded opinions
• Less qualified individuals occupying space

Ultimately, it creates a culture where:
confidence replaces knowledge

A deeper cultural shift

Perhaps the most interesting point is the contrast:

• Before: insecurity, doubt, performative humility
• Now: absolute certainty, even without foundation

In other words:
we have moved from “Am I good enough?” to “I know everything.”

Sometimes I think how beneficial a touch of this excessive confidence might have been in my own life.

Perhaps now, faced with what I have to do — the thing that is currently robbing me of sleep in such an exaggerated way — it would feel like nothing more than just another task, another line on a résumé, another thing I would casually declare myself ready for.

But then again, maybe not.

Maybe what we are witnessing is not confidence at all, but a carefully staged performance of certainty — one that leaves little room for doubt, and even less for responsibility. Because real confidence, the kind that holds weight, rarely needs to announce itself. It questions, it hesitates, it recalibrates. It understands the stakes.

Maybe what we are witnessing is not confidence at all, but a carefully staged performance of certainty — one that leaves little room for doubt, and even less for responsibility.

And perhaps that is where the line should be drawn. Not between confidence and insecurity, but between awareness and noise. Between those who know the weight of what they carry, and those who speak as if nothing has weight at all.

So yes, maybe a little more confidence would make things easier.

But I’m not sure I would trade it for the kind that lets you sleep peacefully the night before — not because you’re ready, but because you’ve never stopped to wonder if you are.